There are times in our lives when we wish that the answers we seek will appear as pronounced as writing on the wall. More often than not, it seems to be the quiet whispers that act as a guide. Following His guiding whispers, I find that the answers I wished would appear so vividly are only seen as I glance back at the path I’ve traveled so far.
You see, back in January, I began to feel a restlessness that could not be evaded. I had only just begun my student teaching semester. In the midst of my attempts to figure out who exactly I am as a teacher, still learning that teaching is a process that requires patience with yourself, I found myself feeling discontented not with teaching but with the idea of just teaching. I couldn’t bear the thought of graduating and settling into the best job I could find.
Through the confusion and the self-doubt, I began to pray that God would give me a dream bigger than myself. Little did I know that less than a month later I would be on my face asking God to tell me if teaching overseas in Venezuela would be a piece of His will for my life.
In the face of big decisions, I have this nagging fear of making the wrong one. I asked for a sign as obvious as if it were written on the wall. I also had many other fears, too. Will a be a capable teacher? What do I truly have to offer? Questions such as these continued to flood my mind.
There’s also a lot going on in Venezuela politically. Going by what news sources were saying, my choosing to move to Venezuela seemed, well, a little crazy. I do love a good adventure, but I don’t really want to live in another country outside of His will.
The day I needed to have my answer came and, still, there was no writing on the wall. As a sat in my room before my day began, I was reminded of all the times in my life that He did not hesitate to open and close doors. This door was open. Did I doubt for a second that He would shut it if it was no longer His will?
As of now doors are still opening, and I am preparing to move overseas toward the end of July. He continues to sustain and provide. Even in the midst of my questions and doubts, He is faithful.
I am learning that sometimes the certainty we want doesn’t come until later. Our faithfulness is found in trusting Him even when we don’t yet have the answers that we seek. We can follow Him without the writing on the wall as long as we trust His voice as a gentle whisper.
As the path progresses we find that, for every seemingly uncertain step we take forward, His faithfulness abounds. It is so very important that we recall His past goodness. It becomes a foundation for the steps we take forward in faith.
“The Lord never builds a bridge of faith except under the feet of the faith-filled traveler. If He builds the bridge a rod ahead, it would not be a bridge of faith.” – Lettie Cowman